By Jason States, Youth Pastor
Parenthood is a tricky thing. Many of those who would be placed on pedestals by many of us as being exemplary parents are actually some of the parents who carry with them some of the most crushing parental regrets. Conversely, some who would firmly believe that they’ve knocked it out of the proverbial park as a parent find out out years later, to their dismay, that their children don’t exactly share that sentiment. Parenthood is rushed into by some and put off far too long by others. It is most accurately and far too vaguely described in the most cliché of ways as an uphill battle, a moving target, a losing battle, and a both rewarding and character-revealing venture.
My entire adult life up to this point has been devoted to either helping parents and children navigate the delicate waters of this familial relationship as a Youth Pastor or attempting to successfully navigate those waters myself as a father of two sons. Just as no two children are the same, I’ve found (usually through trial and error) that there are very few generalizations one can draw when it comes to successful parenting. It is with this at the forefront of my mind that I would like to share with you a little “nugget” of practical parenting I have gleamed from my experience in this arena. Take it or leave it; it’s been beneficial for me in my relationships with my sons.
Love… safety… integrity… reliability… These are words that must become obvious and assumed in a Biblical parent/child relationship. If one has not sought to instill these qualities in his/her relationship with his son or daughter, then the following will be of little use to you. So it is with those above qualities being assumed that I would like to share with you a phrase that has transformed and elevated the way I raise/train up/discipline/challenge my sons.
“a good man that loves Jesus”
With terror apparent on his face, the child knows he has been caught… red handed and without excuse. His father instructs him to go to his room and wait. He obeys without delay. The father composes himself. Anger attempts to overwhelm, but the father fights back and calms himself. With a focus on love, grace, forgiveness and restoration, the father approaches the door to his son’s room to engage in a very familiar conversation.
Dad: “Look at me son.”
Son: “I’m sorry Dad. It was just…”
Dad: “I know. Son, what’s my job?”
Son: With a partial smile hinting in the corner of his mouth, the son answers, “I remember… to make me a good man that loves Jesus.”
A conversation repeated numerous times in the past ensues. The father addresses the shortcoming of the son in light of the standard set forth. The son receives correction and the ramifications of his decision as it pertains to the father’s “job”.
No, not all matters of parent/child discipline go this smoothly. In a perfect world maybe… but we are far from that. However, I have found that defining my “job description” as a father has been invaluable in raising and correcting my sons.
When my wife became pregnant with my oldest son, I had a much welcomed but highly stressful life crisis. How can I, a flawed work in progress, raise another human being? At that time, God focused me in on this idea of destination as a way of navigating the journey that is parenthood. What if I’m not being charged to raise a boy, but instead a man-in-training able to responsibly carry the weight of life, marriage, parenthood, career, etc.? What if I’m not being challenged as a father to react to bad behavior (whether it be mistakes or sin… yes, they are two very different things), but instead I am challenged to consistently put the concept of well-thought out and/or biblically moral behavior in front of my son as a goal for him to pursue? What if my job as a father is not to carry the entire weight of leading my sons, but instead to encourage them at every opportunity to increase their intimacy with Christ… to put the weight of their life choices on his shoulders so that conviction leads to repentance and greater intimacy… to practice at the youngest of ages being a true disciple of Jesus.
My job as a father is to be a good man that loves Jesus and encourage my sons to come along side me as I walk forward with my eyes on the prize. When they fall behind me, I reach back and pull them forward as God empowers me to do so. When they excel and speed ahead, God jabs me in the back and reminds me that I must keep up so they don’t fall back with me. When my sons can’t hear Jesus, I speak God’s words to them. When my sons can’t see God at work in their lives, I show them God’s signature all around them. When my son’s don’t feel presence of the Holy Spirit bringing guidance and conviction, I grab them in my arms and allow them to feel the love and guidance they need. When my sons ignore God and allow destruction to creep into their lives, I walk with them through the process of confession, repentance, grace and restoration as God has done with me innumerable times over the years. All of this is done in order to make my boys into good men that love Jesus.
Dad: “Son, what’s my job?”
Son: “To make me a good man that loves Jesus.”
ShepNaz Team Blog 